The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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