What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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