What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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