oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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