Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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