My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
