I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
