on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
