Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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