His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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