He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
