I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
