she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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