my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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