It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
