If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
