Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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