Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
