I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
a search helicopter?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
