I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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