That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
