we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
