I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
