This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
