Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The police scanner is talking about you again....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
