This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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