is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
