So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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