just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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