it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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