I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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