just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
