they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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