My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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