she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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