My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
