I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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