walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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