Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
