walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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