Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
