If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
