Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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