I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
