I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
