do herpes really smell.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dear god my vagina.
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