dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
