Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Boobs speak an international language.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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