I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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