At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
