I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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