Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
